Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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