I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you had me at cake vodka
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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