Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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