dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
