You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this just has baby written all over it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
