you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
