trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
