i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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