I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
