What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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