She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
