Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
