Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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