That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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