I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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