Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
