I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
