Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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