i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
