good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
