Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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