why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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