in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
