so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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