Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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