TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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