just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
