He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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