Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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