Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Even my vagina gasped.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
