I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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