You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
