let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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