He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
