the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
