nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
