There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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