i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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