what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
