what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
