New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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