I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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