we have officially lost it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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