yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
