youre lurking in front of me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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