nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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