Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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