Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
