She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
