he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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