My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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