I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
