Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
