Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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