I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Someone shit on the floor
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
