Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
