Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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