Where are you?
In a non slutty way
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
