Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
