I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
