is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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