why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
