i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
