btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
