apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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