I just pynch a tree in the face
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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