you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize