She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm having to shit out rocks
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