I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
