I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
