theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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