I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
