is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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